Posted by: PatrickJL | October 8, 2008

i have entomophobia.

So besides being so busy at work, I just spent the last twenty minutes fighting off three mutant insects. I never thought that I suffered from entomophobia until I met these beasts. I call them mutant because I have never seen anything like them before. They looked like a cross between a grasshopper and a crustacean, I think a shrimp. I spotted them when I went to grab something from my desk in the basement. We don’t carry bug killer, so I had to improvise. First, I tried air freshener. Apparently minimal VOCs, it only seemed to make the mutants smell lovely. Then I soaked them in an all purpose cleaner. Nothing. Were these hybrid bugs immune to common household chemicals? Finally, I pulled out the big guns…window cleaner. That little blue liquid was the ticket…


I was having trouble wrapping up this post when I decided to go visit the bodies lying where they exhaled their last breath. When I went down there, I discovered that one of the beasts had survived the massacre and was really pissed off. I was caught off guard and he lunged at me. Now I would like to say that I faced him off, man to insect, but in reality I lept backwards and shrieked like a twelve year old girl at a Hannah Montana concert. I pulled myself together knowing that between me and the insect was a spray bottle and that lethal blue liquid. He lunged again and I steadily squeezed the trigger. He fell but not immediately. He died one of those long emotional, overacted deaths you see in those art house films. Frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if everything went to black and white and a symphony broke out in a score. The deed was done.

However, even after I added this newsflash, I still don’t know how to wrap this post up. I think I’m still in shock from what I just witnessed. Well, I’m going to sign off now and allow my heart rate to reach a resting level.


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